Friday, May 29, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Fun at the beach with friends...
We had so much fun at the beach on Saturday (over Memorial Day weekend) with our good friends Tanner, Kate, Lizzie and Shad. We played in the sand, swam in the warm water and ate yummy food. They used to live right across the street from us, so the boys (and Kate) have pretty much "grown up" together and are very close little buddies. Thanks for letting us tag along guys!
Friday, May 15, 2009
My big boys as babies... A (belated) Mother's Day retrospective- It's a long one!
I realize it's cliche but the many mother's that warn you how time flies by when watching your children grow, do nothing to prepare you for the actual experience of seeing it happen so quickly. I really do feel like it was just yesterday that I had two babies tugging at my ankles, crying for their turn to be picked up...having to learn that mommy could only (safely) hold one of them at a time. So much of their little years were spent with me in "survival mode" always feeling a bit harried and wondering if I was ruining my children because I couldn't always provide for both sets of needs at the same time. To be totally honest, we all spent a lot of time crying. Them because they didn't yet understand their lot in life was to have to share, almost, everything. And me because, like I said, I struggled trying to feel like I could provide for both of their needs without going crazy. You'd think I had a zillion kids, but no there are just the two of them, though I have said many times that I count each one of them as two...because they both have very intense personalities, lol, each in their own way.
How it all started... We struggled for years to get pregnant. Four years to be exact, and that was with many attempts at fertility treatments. Never an explanation, we just never got pregnant. Then one day we just decided that it was time that we look into adoption, and from there it all happened pretty quickly. It took a while to get all the paperwork filled out but after we had everything submitted, the wait began. We both say that it felt like forever, but really it was only four short months later that we got "the call" from our social worker telling us that a mother had chosen us. As I listened to the details I was in shock that it was really happening, but as he told me that she was having a boy and that he was half Caucasian and half Cambodian... I was a little surprised. Surprised first because we had never talked about the possibility of our son being Asian, although we expected the probability of a baby of combined ethnicity, we had never considered that combination. The reason why I'm even explaining any of this, is that the main reason for my surprise was at how natural and right everything felt from the moment he started telling us about OUR baby boy. We had known for a long time that we wanted to name our first son Benjamin... and here he was, FINALLY coming to us. Our Benjamin! Or Benji-Dave as we would soon come to know him by.
So there we were just enjoying being parents to this BEAUTIFUL baby boy when all of a sudden I started noticing that I was having quite a bit of lower back pain and I was taking a lot of Ibuprofen with none of the typical "results" that would usually follow "that" lower back pain, so after a few days of this it occurred to me that maybe I should take a pregnancy test. So I picked one up at the grocery store and casually took it, sure that it would be negative...like all the many others, and to my huge surprise it was positive. Off to a barbecue to meet David with this big secret that I had to keep until later when we could be alone. The funniest part about telling him was that he didn't believe me. He had the same reaction that I'd had earlier when I saw the positive test results... dugh, I didn't know you could get a false-positive? We had waited for so long and taken countless pregnancy tests, all coming back negative and all of a sudden and out-of-the-blue it was positive. We were in a bit of shock, to say the least! And very excited! Me for the short term, sadly, because I got very sick very quickly and there's nothing fun about feeling like you have the flu for nine months. Let's just say I was excited about the baby, but not the pregnancy, which was difficult emotionally because all I'd ever wanted was to be pregnant and, at times, I worried I was being a bit ungrateful for the great blessing that was coming our way. Hormones can be tricky things, especially for the women in my family!! Luckily, Ben was an exceptionally easy baby and was, mostly, content to just lay on the ground next to me playing with toys and talking and singing with me. We had a lot of nice bonding time laying there on the carpet or in my bed suggling and coohing at eachother.
As the time got closer to Will's birth I remember feeling very protective of our family time and my one on one time with Ben because I knew that it was going to be short lived and I wanted to enjoy it to it's fullest. In fact the night Will was born, we were sitting on the couch snuggling as a family and I remember thinking that it might be one of the last times we spent together just the three of us and I really soaked it up. I had no idea how right on those thoughts were because soon after putting Ben to bed, my water broke and Will was born 3 weeks early, to the day. I hate to admit this, but I called my little sister crying because I wasn't ready to have him... I still had projects that I hadn't finished anticipating that I would at least go full term, if not over since this was my first pregnancy. I got over the sadness quickly and was just excited that Our William Evan was coming. The excitement was farely short lived because the contractions came on quickly and strongly and were every 3 minutes for the next 12 hours and I wasn't even dilating...aaagh!!! They wanted to give me pitosin but wouldn't give me an epidural, because I wasn't dilating, so I said "no thanks"! Then finally in the last hour I dilated from a 2 to a ten and he was born very quickly. So quickly, in fact, that I was yelling for them to get the doctor because I felt like I couldn't keep him in...tmi? (I was born with NO ONE, but my mother, there because of the same scenerio. My dad left to get the nurse, who'd gone to get the Dr. and they all came back to my mom snuggling me on her chest...what a woman!) Anyway, I do have to say that I was shocked to see this beautiful baby boy with the most RED/COPPER hair I'd ever seen. He was soooo cute, and still is to this day!!!
It was amazing to see Ben's sweet reaction to his new brother when his auntie brought him to the hospital for the first time. He was so curious and tender, and while the tenderness wore off pretty quickly, to be replaced by more normal brotherly affection, he has always been Will's ultimate protector. Just like any older sibling, Will is pretty much his possession to do with what he wants and Will is, almost always, game. As Will has grown, they have become equals in many ways and are buddies, wrestling partners, boxing mates, trouble maker companions, and best friends. I try very hard to let them be boys (sometimes contrary to David's opinion) but I also want to always instill in them a kindness and respect towards the other person so that they grow up being true friends, not just the other persons punching bag. I also don't want there to be a "bully/victim" relationship which I'm finding could easily happen if we're not very careful.
Being a mother is both INCREDIBLY rewarding and INCREDIBLY challenging! You never anticipate something like one of your children being diagnosed with autism or for other's having a sick child...or worse yet, losing a child. But I have learned, and continue to learn, that with Heavenly Father as my companion in this whole process, everything is possible...not easy, just possible. And a lot more fun! I love being a mother! It's very different than what I'd always anticipated. All the "typical" things that worked with all my nanny kids, don't seem to work with my kids...but that's OK, because I do have the guidance of the Spirit, and trial and error. I'm also learning to be more forgiving of myself. That's been one of the biggest lessons that I never knew I'd have to learn as a mother...to forgive myself for not being more of the "ideal" mother that I'd envisioned myself being, and I continue to learn it everyday. I know that sounds a little pathetic. (To be completely honest... with all those years as a nanny, I kinda thought I had it down) I'm just so grateful to know that my Savior will make up for my weaknesses and that Heavenly Father will multiply my efforts and help my kids to not end up being total "whack jobs" because of me! LOL! I'm also so grateful to the many amazing mother's that I have as examples! I couldn't do it without you!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE my two boys! And look forward to all the crazy (FUN) years to come!!!
How it all started... We struggled for years to get pregnant. Four years to be exact, and that was with many attempts at fertility treatments. Never an explanation, we just never got pregnant. Then one day we just decided that it was time that we look into adoption, and from there it all happened pretty quickly. It took a while to get all the paperwork filled out but after we had everything submitted, the wait began. We both say that it felt like forever, but really it was only four short months later that we got "the call" from our social worker telling us that a mother had chosen us. As I listened to the details I was in shock that it was really happening, but as he told me that she was having a boy and that he was half Caucasian and half Cambodian... I was a little surprised. Surprised first because we had never talked about the possibility of our son being Asian, although we expected the probability of a baby of combined ethnicity, we had never considered that combination. The reason why I'm even explaining any of this, is that the main reason for my surprise was at how natural and right everything felt from the moment he started telling us about OUR baby boy. We had known for a long time that we wanted to name our first son Benjamin... and here he was, FINALLY coming to us. Our Benjamin! Or Benji-Dave as we would soon come to know him by.
So there we were just enjoying being parents to this BEAUTIFUL baby boy when all of a sudden I started noticing that I was having quite a bit of lower back pain and I was taking a lot of Ibuprofen with none of the typical "results" that would usually follow "that" lower back pain, so after a few days of this it occurred to me that maybe I should take a pregnancy test. So I picked one up at the grocery store and casually took it, sure that it would be negative...like all the many others, and to my huge surprise it was positive. Off to a barbecue to meet David with this big secret that I had to keep until later when we could be alone. The funniest part about telling him was that he didn't believe me. He had the same reaction that I'd had earlier when I saw the positive test results... dugh, I didn't know you could get a false-positive? We had waited for so long and taken countless pregnancy tests, all coming back negative and all of a sudden and out-of-the-blue it was positive. We were in a bit of shock, to say the least! And very excited! Me for the short term, sadly, because I got very sick very quickly and there's nothing fun about feeling like you have the flu for nine months. Let's just say I was excited about the baby, but not the pregnancy, which was difficult emotionally because all I'd ever wanted was to be pregnant and, at times, I worried I was being a bit ungrateful for the great blessing that was coming our way. Hormones can be tricky things, especially for the women in my family!! Luckily, Ben was an exceptionally easy baby and was, mostly, content to just lay on the ground next to me playing with toys and talking and singing with me. We had a lot of nice bonding time laying there on the carpet or in my bed suggling and coohing at eachother.
As the time got closer to Will's birth I remember feeling very protective of our family time and my one on one time with Ben because I knew that it was going to be short lived and I wanted to enjoy it to it's fullest. In fact the night Will was born, we were sitting on the couch snuggling as a family and I remember thinking that it might be one of the last times we spent together just the three of us and I really soaked it up. I had no idea how right on those thoughts were because soon after putting Ben to bed, my water broke and Will was born 3 weeks early, to the day. I hate to admit this, but I called my little sister crying because I wasn't ready to have him... I still had projects that I hadn't finished anticipating that I would at least go full term, if not over since this was my first pregnancy. I got over the sadness quickly and was just excited that Our William Evan was coming. The excitement was farely short lived because the contractions came on quickly and strongly and were every 3 minutes for the next 12 hours and I wasn't even dilating...aaagh!!! They wanted to give me pitosin but wouldn't give me an epidural, because I wasn't dilating, so I said "no thanks"! Then finally in the last hour I dilated from a 2 to a ten and he was born very quickly. So quickly, in fact, that I was yelling for them to get the doctor because I felt like I couldn't keep him in...tmi? (I was born with NO ONE, but my mother, there because of the same scenerio. My dad left to get the nurse, who'd gone to get the Dr. and they all came back to my mom snuggling me on her chest...what a woman!) Anyway, I do have to say that I was shocked to see this beautiful baby boy with the most RED/COPPER hair I'd ever seen. He was soooo cute, and still is to this day!!!
It was amazing to see Ben's sweet reaction to his new brother when his auntie brought him to the hospital for the first time. He was so curious and tender, and while the tenderness wore off pretty quickly, to be replaced by more normal brotherly affection, he has always been Will's ultimate protector. Just like any older sibling, Will is pretty much his possession to do with what he wants and Will is, almost always, game. As Will has grown, they have become equals in many ways and are buddies, wrestling partners, boxing mates, trouble maker companions, and best friends. I try very hard to let them be boys (sometimes contrary to David's opinion) but I also want to always instill in them a kindness and respect towards the other person so that they grow up being true friends, not just the other persons punching bag. I also don't want there to be a "bully/victim" relationship which I'm finding could easily happen if we're not very careful.
Being a mother is both INCREDIBLY rewarding and INCREDIBLY challenging! You never anticipate something like one of your children being diagnosed with autism or for other's having a sick child...or worse yet, losing a child. But I have learned, and continue to learn, that with Heavenly Father as my companion in this whole process, everything is possible...not easy, just possible. And a lot more fun! I love being a mother! It's very different than what I'd always anticipated. All the "typical" things that worked with all my nanny kids, don't seem to work with my kids...but that's OK, because I do have the guidance of the Spirit, and trial and error. I'm also learning to be more forgiving of myself. That's been one of the biggest lessons that I never knew I'd have to learn as a mother...to forgive myself for not being more of the "ideal" mother that I'd envisioned myself being, and I continue to learn it everyday. I know that sounds a little pathetic. (To be completely honest... with all those years as a nanny, I kinda thought I had it down) I'm just so grateful to know that my Savior will make up for my weaknesses and that Heavenly Father will multiply my efforts and help my kids to not end up being total "whack jobs" because of me! LOL! I'm also so grateful to the many amazing mother's that I have as examples! I couldn't do it without you!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE my two boys! And look forward to all the crazy (FUN) years to come!!!
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